What should I do? Information inside. "life or death".?

Your talking just like i did, when iwas your age, in 20 now. I KNOW what its like to have a traumatic experience or experiences when your younger- it changes you forever, Personally i have Dissociative disorder, it use to be called multiple personality. But the thing is sometimes i still feel one emotion to the extreme and then the next yes you feel the weight lifting off of you. Dissociation and other "mental disorders" arnt really disorders, there survival skill thats only the strongest people develop to cope with pain- and if you dont get a good therapist these emotions are going to get the better of you, but dont EVER tell a therapist you want to kill yourself- this ends up with you in a mental institution and dont ever let anyone tell you these atchuly help- because ive been to 3 and i came out of everyone of them even worst then i did when i went in- you need to find a atchual hobby or goal and push yourself to get feeling emotionaly better- along with being a nutcase (Lol) i also studied psychology, if you need any future help you can contact me anytime you need to .